1. Learn to play the trumpet.

2. Move to New York City and start playing gigs to build a reputation.

3. Eventually, get asked to play Weill’s beautiful Threepenny Opera Suite with one of the city’s more highly esteemed chamber groups.

4. During the concert, midway through the third movement in particular, have the leadpipe of your trumpet suddenly crack in half.

5. Play the rest of the concert holding together the broken leadpipe, which, leaking air, lends a lovely dying elephant timbre to your sound.

Fin.

Yes, boys and girls, I’m sure they’ll be asking me back real soon.