Remember that polo game, years ago, when Biff (that rat bastard) scored his winning goal on your defense, then lifted your girlfriend Delilah onto the back of his horse before galloping off to the country club’s dock and embarking, just the two of them, in his catamaran, leaving you forever behind in the dust? Remember how you’ve hated Biff passionately ever since? Well, finally, here’s you big chance to extract revenge: pit yourself against him in competitive feats of physical prowess, televised nationally!

Too good to be true, you say? Nay! Because my friend Caitlin is casting a new (and possibly quite crappy) reality game show called Bragging Rights, and will totally hook you up. If you’re a guy between the ages of 20 and 40, have a grudge (or at least can fabricate one convincingly and thereby fulfill your lifelong fantasy of making an ass of yourself on national TV), and want to win “valuable prizes”, send an email to braggingrights@atlasmediacorp.com, attn: Caitlin.

Sorry, Biff, but your comeuppance has finally arrived.