As a prelude to the general troublemaking planned for this evening, friend and colleauge Yoav Fisher (with a bit of assistance from me) crafted this delightful and thoroughly offensive little ditty to perform for Bobby’s bachelor benefit:

The Ballad of Bobby Den

At his bris, his mother said
“marry a Jew or I’ll chop off your head.

Be a doctor or a lawya,
but make sure she’s Jewish and not a goya.

You can play or dance or laugh or read,
just don’t waste any of your Jewish seed.”

[Chorus:]

Oy what a mensch that boy became,
and all the ladies knew his name.

But mainly he learned, the one real fact is,
shiksa girls are just for practice.

[Verse 2:]

At his bar mitva the Rabbi said,
“puberty is just ahead.

You can talk to girlies, but please be wary
of those with names like Christina or Mary.

And this one thing you can’t ignore:
blond hair girls are all just whores”

[Chorus]

[Verse 3:]

At the college, his friends were stating,
“we think it’s time you started dating.”

He met a girl, her name was Tova
She ate some ham and it was ova.

He kept on trying with other girls,
But none appreciated his pais curls.

[Chorus]

[Verse 4:]

Then one day, he met a lady,
and he knew at once that he was ready.

She was the best looking girl on the Upper West Side,
and he asked her to be his Kosher bride.

Soon he’s a doctor, oy grandma’s proud,
and in just three days he’s wedding vowed.

[Chorus x2]

So long as we can get everyone singing along with choruses, it should kick things off nicely.