With Halloween just around the corner, my brother helpfully shared three costume ideas for creatively challenged yet lecherous and politically incorrect male youths (i.e. his Fraternity brothers); I present them for anyone who doesn’t similarly live in Denver, and can therefore shamelessly rip off his suggestions:

1. Plastic Surgeon: Buy, borrow or steal a set of medical scrubs. Scrawl ‘free breast exams’ on a piece of cardboard.

2. God’s Gift to Women: wrap a bow and ribbon around your neck.

3. Proselytizing Mormon: Dress in a dark suit, white shirt and conservative tie. Buy a copy of the Book of Mormon. Knock on people’s doors, but instead of saying ‘trick or treat’, ask if they’d have time to talk about a ‘book that’s really changed your life’.