Though I’m, apparently, already one of the world’s leading experts on urinal etiquette (with Self-Aggrandizement even showing up in the relevant Wikipedia entry), over the past few months, I’ve increasingly become fascinated by a more private set of bathroom norms.

Urinal etiquette, you see, is passed on via socialization – boys using public bathrooms observe men doing so, over time picking up the tacit codes of behavior which pass from generation to generation.

But there are other things people do – the way they shower or floss or use toilet paper – that they often do alone well into adulthood. And, it turns out, they don’t all do them in the same way – some people face predominantly towards the showerhead and others face away, some brush before flossing and others after. Yet, because we tend to do these things again and again in the same ways, we start to believe our ways make more sense, are somehow more ‘right’.

So, to extend our common understanding and advance the progress of scientific endeavor, I’ve decided to begin studying these pressing questions in earnest. And I need your help.

Take two minutes, and fill out this anonymous questionnaire. The pursuit of truth hinges on you.