In the past year or so, at least five of my friends have had children. And while that makes me contemplate my own fast-increasing age, it also makes me think long and hard – though still far pre-emptively – about the important topic of baby names.

As readers of books like Freakonomics already know, economists have extensively researched the impact of names on things like job prospects and lifetime earning potential. And while the jury’s still somewhat out on the details there, I’m convinced we’ll soon be seeing a new, much more clearly fiscally-driven trend in baby names: baby branding.

To illustrate: if I have a daughter, I’m naming her Palmolive. For a son, definitely Chef Boyardee.

The revenue opportunities from being a life-long product placement should at least cover their college costs, if not first homes and even eventual retirements.

Pure capitalist genius.