To all my goyish readers, merry Christmas!

And for those readers who, like me, will be spending tomorrow watching movies and eating Chinese food, a timeless classic:

Twas the night before Chanukah,
boychicks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard,
not even the draidels.

The Menorah was set on the chimney, alight
In the kitchen the Bubba hut gechapt a bite.
Salami, pastrami, a glessala tay
And zayerah pickles with bagels, oy vay!

Gezunt and geschmack, the kinderlech felt
While dreaming of tagelach and Chanukah gelt.
The clock on the mantlepiece away was tickin’
And Bubba was serving a schtickala chicken.

A tumult arose like a thousand brauches,
Santa had fallen and broken his tuches.
I put on my slippers, eins, tsvay, drei,
While Bubba was now on the herring and rye.

I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gotkes
While Bubba was busy devouring the latkes.
To the window I ran and to my surprise
A little red yarmulka greeted my eyes.

Then he got to the door and saw the Menorah,
“Yiddishe kinder,” he said, “Kenehora.
I thought I was in a goyisha hoise,
But as long as I’m here, I’ll leave a few toys.”

With much gesshray, I asked, “Du bist a Yid?”
“Avada, mein numen is Schloimey Claus, kid.”
“Come into the kitchen, I’ll get you a dish,
A guppell, a schtickala fish.”

With smacks of delight, he started his fressen,
Chopped liver, knaidlach and kreplah gegessen.
Along with his meal, he had a few schnapps,
When it came to eating, this boy was the tops.

He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt,
But they were so hot, he yelled “Oy Gevalt.”
Unbuttoning his haizen, he rose from the tisch,
And said, “Your Kosher essen is simply delish.”

As he went to the door, he said “I’ll see you later,
I’ll be back next Pesach, in time for the Seder.”
More rapid than eagles his prancers they came,
As he whistled and shourted and called them by name:

“Now Izzy, now Morris, now Yitzak, now Sammy,
Now Irving and Maxie, and Moishe and Mannie.”
He gave a gesshray as he drove out of sight:
“Gooten Yontiv to all, and to all a good night.”