There’s an old joke in the meditation world: don’t just do something, sit there!  And, for me, I think that’s the crux of why meditation has been helpful.  By my nature, I bias towards action – I’m constantly in motion, trying to push life forward, trying to make things happen.  And, often, that’s great.  But there are also a slew of times when not doing, when stopping and pausing and listening and waiting are actually a far better idea.

In Taoist philosophy, it’s called ‘wu wei’ – doing by not doing.  And though I learned about it some twenty years ago, I feel like I’m only just now really starting to get the hang of it.

For example, last week, Jess shared some of her current life frustrations with me.  And, in standard boy-mode style, I immediately set out to try and find solutions.  After all, if she was telling me about things, it must be because she wanted me to fix them.  Or maybe she was blaming me!  So I leapt into frenetic and defensive action, feeling like I needed to figure things out, stat.

Then, after a day or two, the wiser part of my brain finally clicked in.  And it reminded me that she wasn’t sharing frustrations because she thought I would make them disappear – she was sharing them because she wanted me to listen and care and understand.  And in my solution searching, I had actually done a pretty mediocre job of those far more important things.  So, better late than never, I apologized to her for not getting it at first.  And then I told her that I really did understand how she felt and that if I were in her shoes I’d feel the same way and that I thought it sucked and that I loved her and was there for her and on her team.  Which, not surprisingly, made her much happier than what I was doing before.

Similarly, over the past couple of years, I’ve had the usual array of athletic tweaks and injuries – most recently, left knee; before that, right hip.  In the past, I was quick to start puzzling through causes and solutions, would head to physical therapists or doctors, and would generally make myself crazy trying to deal with the situation.  But the past few times, I’ve been more measured.  Time may not heal all wounds, but it sure seems to heal a lot of them. For the vast majority of non-catastrophic athletic injuries, just stopping doing stuff that hurts, and then waiting it out, is actually wildly effective, so long as you’re willing to be patient, and give it the weeks or months required.

So, wu wei: definitely something I’m working on.  As the world throws things at me, these days I’m trying to give myself at least a moment to pause before I react.  And, increasingly, I’m finding that the best reaction is more or less no reaction at all.