While in the taxi back from dinner with long-time friends Shibani Mukerji and Randy Wolfe, the three of us got into an argument over toilet paper, debating the ever important question of fold vs. crumple. As a folder, the mere idea of crumpling up toilet paper before use strikes me as ridiculously uncouth and uncontrovertibly unsanitary. The other two, crumplers, were equally aghast at the possibility of my folding approach.

So, this morning, to unequivocally demonstrate the correctness of my approach, I set out to find research on T.P. best practices. Rather quickly, however, I discovered that medical research on the subject is in short supply. Fortunately, statistical research abounds, leading me to the ‘might makes right’ answer to my question: we folders are obviously correct, as we hold a 7 to 10% (depending on the survey) majority over the crumplers. More interestingly, however, it appears that the difference breaks somewhat along gender lines, with most men folding and most women crumpling. (Something you want to tell us, Randy?)

Still, as fascinated as I was by that Mars/Venus distinction, I was even more delighted to discover other, more arcane wiping facts. In one large survery, for example, over half of those polled had wiped with leaves, some 8% had wiped with their hands, and more than 2% had wiped with money.

Further, some 60% admitted to regularly looking at the paper after they wipe. And I bet most of them are crumplers.