From the consensus of both digital and analog friends, I realized unequivocally that the beard had to go – at least temporarily.

Still, fearing withdrawal pains, I decided I’d best ease my way out of the world of facial hair. Hence shaving partially, yet leaving something so horrendous that after a couple of days I’d be rarin’ for the chance to hack off the rest.

The resulting final product combines the Fu Manchu of Ben Stiller’s nursing home orderly in Happy Gilmore with a standard beret-and-bongos soul patch. Like, dig, man:

On my way to lunch, sporting the new look, I’m pretty sure I saw at least one person point and laugh.

Update

According to several sources, the Fu Manchu / soul patch combo was treading too close to goatee territory, clearly the nadir of cool (hipster or otherwise). Therefore, I have reductively switched to child molester mustache, leaving me looking like (by varying accounts) either the policeman from the Village People or the lost Mario Brother:

Update 2

Sooner than expected, I’m back to clean-shaven, as my Cyan colleagues Yoav and Colin refused to hold this afternoon’s budget and casting meeting with me still sporting the thoroughly ridiculous mustache.

Completely hairless, my face feels oddly naked.