As previously mentioned, we have a party in the works for this weekend at our fair apartment, The Gotham Sugar Shack. A bit more information about the event:

Junior-

I’m flattered that you want to have a party in my honor. I spoke to your father, and we agreed that you can have your friends over to our apartment. However, if you’re going to have a Mother’s Day gathering, there are a few rules that you must abide.

1) You can only serve milk drinks (alcoholic milk drinks are okay, but no grain alcohol, okay?). And remember to be a good host and make cookies, brownies and Rice Krispie treats. I’m sure your little friends will bring something too, assuming their mothers raised them right.

2) Tell your guests that for this party they ARE REQUIRED TO DRESS AS THEIR MOTHER. Your father and I are serious about this, Junior! And yes, this includes boys as well as girls. Brooms, dustpans, aprons and minivans are optional, but appreciated (your friends can be so messy!).

3) Remind your friends that because we love you so much, we’ll let them play in the “Womb Room.” If your friends ask what the Womb Room is, tell them: “The Womb Room is both a metaphysical ideal and an aesthetic construct; words can not properly describe the Womb Room. The Womb Room must be experienced.”

I trust that your party will be just as enjoyable as the one you had for Halloween, Junior. And yes, of course you can wear my dress for the night. Most importantly, Junior: as the host, it’s your duty to make sure nobody has sex in the shower.

And, don’t forget: if any of your friends don’t attend, it’s because they don’t really love their mothers.

Have a nice party!

Hugs & Kisses,

Mom

Again, if you haven’t received an invite, but would like to, certainly let me know.