Yes, dear reader, looking at my log files, it appears that hundreds of others just like you peruse this site every day. Which, frankly, seems more than a bit inexplicable to me, as I maintain this site mainly as exercise for my writing chops. (With a variety of other pursuits eating through spare time, I need a rather public obligation such as this one to keep me writing regularly.)

Daily, however, I’m reminded at least to some degree of my readership by the ‘fan’ mail I receive, which normally goes along the lines of: “I used to think your site was pretty good, but today’s post sucked. I mean, it really sucked. What are you, retarded?” As you can imagine, immensely gratifying.

Still, the mercurial nature of my readership is in some ways quite helpful. Unlike a ‘real’ publication, this site has no independent editor, meaning that any capricious whim striking my fancy while I’m near a keyboard is likely to be inflicted upon a thousand or so unsuspecting digital passers by. Therefore, such external guidance as “please stop posting long, winding, stupid jokes or I’m deleting the bookmark for your site” can have a valuable impact. And, of course, I always look forward to my mother’s ‘supportive’ invectives; thanks, mom, for pointing out that my photos make you feel like you just stepped onto a too sunny street after having dilating drops put in your eyes.

Yes, opening reader emails is always a veritable cavalcade of ego enhancement. But it’s often the highlight of my day none the less. So keep ’em coming. If not for your own good, then for the hundreds of others just too lazy to hit that send key themselves.

Upgrading to Movable Type 2.0, I managed to blow up this site entirely. I’m rebuilding it as we speak, but don’t be surprised if things aren’t working quite right for the next 24 hours. Yes, I am a moron.

Take a moment to read this excellent article on why weblogs disproportionately influence Google search results. The argument, in a nutshell:

1. Google likes pages with lots of links, as well as pages that are frequently linked to by other pages. Weblogs are full of links, and are highly interlinked with each other.

2. Google likes fresh content. Weblogs are updated daily or more.

Taken together, the factors explain why weblogs have an unusually high level of influence on Google rankings. Case in point: as of today, the post I wrote last Friday on urinal etiquette is now Google’s number two result for the search term ‘urinal etiquette‘ and makes the first page for the search term ‘urinal.’ (Perhaps not the area of expertise with which I’d most want to be associated, but I take what I can get.)

The interesting point, though, is that the high ranking of my urinal page wasn’t primarily caused by the page itself. Rather, it was caused by the webloggers who linked the page from their own sites. Although the majority of searchers arriving at the urinal page might never visit any of the weblogs that linked the page, the linking webloggers nonetheless shaped and directed the searchers’ experiences.

More broadly, while many web users may never visit even a single weblog, the collective voting power of those weblogs very heavily influences how the web is experienced by the people who pass through Google more than a billion times a week.

So who’s wasting their time now, mom?

A few days ago, I discussed one of my favorite formulas for a successful web site, which I’ll here dub the Bonsai Kitten technique: find a politically charged topic (i.e. animal abuse), create an utterly distasteful concept leveraging that topic (using glass jars to ‘shape’ growing kittens), then build a site espousing the idea, tinged with just enough tongue-in-cheekness to allow people to realize (or perhaps just hope) that the hole thing must be a farce.

Today, however, I’d like to highlight another, equally amusing, site genre: sites built on a bizarre fascination with the inane. The undisputed king of this realm: the Condiment Museum, featuring literally hundreds of little condiment packets from around the globe carefully collected, photographed and organized. A solid up-and-comer in the space is the Do Not Eat Page, dedicated to the eponymously inscribed desiccant packets found in electronics boxes and jacket pockets. And, of course, there’s the “this guy needs mental help” leader of the genre, Graham Barker’s Navel Fluff Page, which, regrettably, more or less lives up to its name.

So, if you’re looking for fame and fortune on the Internet (actually, not so much the fortune part, and likely not much fame either, but I digress), simply develop a fixation on something with utterly no value and build up a site to evangelize your bizarre obsession. Then email me about it; for some reason, I find these sites to be oddly compelling.

New design, new CMS engine (Movable Type), new host (Cornerhost) and a new domain name (www.self-aggrandizement.com or www.selfaggrandizement.com). Try and contain your excitement.

Doubtless there are flaws everywhere. I apologize in advance for any inconvenience they cause.

I’m switching hosting services to Cornerhost.com – they seem friendly, competent and reasonably priced. The changes are underway and should occur seemlessly; I apologize in advance for any unexpected problems that may result.

Daypop’s Top 40:

27.

self-aggrandizement www.joshuanewman.com/blog – Citations |||||||||||||||||||||| ||||

I’m warning all of you, I have a very short attention span. Plus, I’m exceedingly busy. So entries to this blog are going to come in fits and starts. Sure, you say now, that’s not a problem. But mark my words. You’ll start reading this blog, thinking to yourself: This guy isn’t terribly clever, articulate or even all that interesting, but I’m oddly compelled to return each day, much like touching a canker-sore again and again with my tongue just to see that it still hurts.

Then one day, you’ll come to the site and there won’t be anything new. Nor will there be the next day. Or possibly even the day after that. By which point, you’ll have been reduced to a quivering mass, lying on the floor and craving beyond all cravings just that one little daily fix. To which I say: tough shit. It’s not like I didn’t warn you.

Yes, boys and girls, like a veritable phoenix rising from its digital ashes, the daily dose of vitriol returns. Sorry mom, but it’s cheaper than therapy.