the filmographic canon

The problem is, there are a lot of movies. I try to watch at least two a week in my continued education as a novice film producer, but my Netflix queue is already over 250 movies, and new pictures are released into theater every weekend. That doesn’t even begin to count the movies I should rewatch, which range from those meriting frequent repeat viewing (such as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and The Thomas Crown Affair – taken together, my blueprint for life) to those that I watched so long ago I might as well now consider as having never been viewed (including such classics as the entire Indiana Jones series).

Yes, at times I feel like just giving up, unplugging my DVD player and receding into a wasteland of cultural illiteracy. But then it hits me: movie people are vastly better looking than tech people, and if I forsake the movie part of my professional life, I’ll be forced to look at geeks all the time. At which point, I fire up some popcorn and settle in to my seat – it might not be easy, but a serious devotion to the celluloid past more than pays off. Besides, there are many worse ways to spend an evening than bathing in the flickering glow of a truly American art form brought to life.

the ghost of andy kaufman

Within the last year, a new genre of site has emerged on the internet: the neo-absurdist meme that spreads because it’s either uproariously funny or extremely disturbing, depending on the degree of fictionalization.

The classic case (and one of my perennial favorites) is BonsaiKitten.com, a site “dedicated to preserving the long lost art of body modification in housepets,” and purporting to sell cats stuffed into glass jars. Further exploration makes clear the site is a hoax, but many animal rights activists weren’t amused. Apparently similarly humor-impaired, the FBI launched a full-scale investigation of the site, including serving MIT (the site’s original host) with a grand jury subpoena, before realizing that they were chasing nothing more than a rather clever student prank.

Since then, a slew of similarly ambiguously-fictional sites have followed suit, settling at various locations on the fringes of acceptability and political correctness: an earnest and well produced site about one man’s passion for sex with cars, a corporate advertisement for tools allowing Mexican farm-laborers to telecommute without crossing the border, and everything in between.

Yet all that might still leave the world unprepared for FetaPets.com. A FetaPet, the site explains, “is a pet you will love forever,” provided, it seems, that you’re prepared to love a dog fetus wearing a collar and floating in a jar. Still, the site is uproariously, if not disturbingly, funny (the fan mail especially so), and unlike the easily-debunked Bonsai Kitten, debate is now raging around the Internet about its veracity.

Brecht and Kaufman would be proud.

Special note for those few readers who have not by now back-buttoned in disgust, never again to return, and especially for those who, while viewing FetaPets.com, laughed hard enough to lose bladder control: Tune in tomorrow for a fetal anecdote even funnier than FetaPets.com itself, courtesy of one of my colleagues: the story of Irving the Unnerving.

alvin ailey

Went up to Berkeley last night to see Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater perform three short ballets. The first two – both recently written – left a bit to be desired. Repetitious, dull choreography paired with imprecise, passionless dance. At least the second piece, a West Coast premiere of a ballet written for the Winter Olympic’s Cultural Olympiad, featured imaginative new music by Wynton Marsalis. At many points, I found myself paying more attention to the music than the dance.

The third piece, Revelations, the classic that put Alvin Ailey on the map in 1958, was quite an experience. Not so much because of the ballet itself (which I’d seen performed before, more solidly, several times in the past), but rather because of the audience. Certainly, Revelations is extremely strong and has aged well – but so has Swan Lake, and the New York City Ballet doesn’t perform that every single year. Ailey Dance, however, has performed Revelations nearly non-stop since the early 60’s, largely to the exclusion of Ailey’s 78 other ballets. The audience certainly didn’t mind – they were whooping and screaming, ready to jump to standing ovation. And that was before the piece even began.

Still, I got the odd sense that they were applauding almost for themselves. Look at me, they were saying. I’m sooooo cultured, I even know a ballet. I suspect most of the audience had never attended the acclaimed San Francisco Ballet just across the bay, and most probably never would. So perhaps Alvin Ailey’s clinging to Revelations is a good thing. Sort of the ballet equivalent of smooth jazz – easy, safe, accessible, and with just a taste of the real thing.

note perfect

A solid article in the Denver Post on the increasing and increasingly-questionable role of technology in musical recording: “When MTV debuted two decades ago, the movement accelerated toward signing artists based not on vocal ability but on how appealing they would be on video. Vocals were put through the technology wringer from that point on.”

The article focuses mainly on pop, but the effects of high tech have even made their way to the staid world of classical music – producers regularly fix instrumental soloists’ cracked or out of tune notes. Live performances, then, are forced to match the nearly impossible ‘note perfect’ recorded standard. Increasingly, performers are forced to focus less on making music and more on just cleanly hitting all the notes.

That’s why I love playing jazz. Because if I screwed up, I meant to crack that note – it’s you’re fault you weren’t hep enough to dig it.

going analog

One word: plastics. Or, more specifically: vinyl. That’s right, I’m buying a record player.

Serious audiophiles will tell you vinyl has a warmer, fuller sound than the digital, mechanical sound of CDs. Vinyl, they point out, uses a wider range of frequencies than CD. These people are morons. Yes, records have greater frequency range, but both capture sound well beyond the limits of human hearing. And only records have that unfortunate snap, crackle and pop.

So why am I buying a record player? In short, women. Records may sound like crap, but a collection of jazz LPs is as James Bond sophisticated as a vodka martini (best served: Grey Goose, dirty, straight up).

condensation

Amazingly enough, a fairly large number of people read this site. And many of them send me emails. One of the most common questions I receive (Second to: you realize you’re a self-obsessed, pretentious asshole, right? Answer: yes.) is: how do you have the time to do all of the things you do? Mainly, my secret lies in having given up sleeping and going to the bathroom. But I also try to squeeze additional minutes out of the day through sheer effectiveness. Which is why I was thrilled to discover Book-a-minute, the “ultra-condensed” book summary. Sure, we all want to read the classics. But most of us don’t even have time for Cliff’s Notes. Hence these beautiful summaries. Say you want to read Ken Kesey’s modern classic One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Here’s what Book-a-minute has boiled it down to:

Nurse Ratched: I destroy my patients psychologically so I can have power and control.
Randall P. McMurph: But freedom and happiness are good things.
Nurse Ratched: Lobotomy time for you, buster.
(McMurphy DIES but inspires HOPE so OTHERS may LIVE.)

THE END

Be sure to visit the similarly indispensable Movie-a-minute. With all the time these sites save, you can finally take up macram

urinetown

With my parents still in town, we met up last night with one of my father’s oldest childhood friends, Fred Miller (with his wife and daughter in tow). The three of them are a fun and exceedingly musical bunch: Fred grew up with my father, playing protest rock together in Washington Square Park (it apparently scarred them both for life, as the two continue to accumulate guitars and play folk music to this day). Fred’s wife Bess is a professional singer and actress, and it appears his daughter Lauren has also unwittingly been dragged into the fray, as she’s performing in a production of Fiddler that goes up this coming weekend.

With such a group, we were naturally gathered for a Broadway musical (in this case, Urinetown). But we joined up first for dinner at Utsav, an upscale Indian restaurant. The food itself was great, but the concept was a bit off. Indian food is usually served family style, but the high prices seemed to dictate more intensive waiter service. Rather than simply leaving plates of food in the center of the table, the waiters circled us with each dish, divvying up everything we had ordered as they saw fit. While we were forced to surreptitiously redistribute food while the waiters weren’t watching, we did manage to leave the restaurant full and on time, which is pretty much all you can ask from pre-theater dining.

For those not following the current Broadway scene, the oddly named Urinetown is the ‘hot’ musical of the moment. Which is a bit odd, considering it’s basically a neo-Brechtian absurdist melodrama unapologetically espousing the political philosophies of Thomas Malthus. On the other hand, the show is exceedingly campy and funny – it’s sort of a meta-musical, a biting and insightful send-up of the hackneyed formulae for creating successful musicals.

The music itself wasn’t terribly memorable, but the writing was great, and several performances were standouts: two-time Tony winner John Cullum as Caldwell Cladwell, the evil, bunny-obsessed CEO of the equally evil Urine Good Company; Jeff McCarthy as the narrator, Officer Lockstock, who has one foot each in the imaginary world on stage and the real world of theater patrons, translating between the two; and Spencer Kayden as Little Sally, who serves as a foil to Officer Lockstock by questioning the absurdities of the show (and musicals in general).

To be honest, the play felt more Off-Broadway than Broadway, but as the first decent musical since The Producers, it’s been hyped up to the height of Broadway success. Still, it’s definitely worth seeing – just think of it as an extremely well executed MFA thesis project and you’ll be thrilled.