“The ship wherein Theseus and the youth of Athens returned [from Crete] had thirty oars, and was preserved by the Athenians down even to the time of Demetrius Phalereus, for they took away the old planks as they decayed, putting in new and stronger timber in their place, insomuch that this ship became a standing example among the philosophers, for the logical question of things that grow; one side holding that the ship remained the same, and the other contending that it was not the same.”
– Plutarch

Yesterday afternoon, I picked up my laptop from Tekserve, after it had spent a week at Apple Service Headquarters.

Or rather, I picked up a laptop. Because, while the shell was still original, the logic board, video RAM, left and right fan, hard drive and screen had all been replaced.

Still, mine or not, for the first time in months, at least the damn thing works.

People frequently ask me why I’d be willing to put so much about myself online. But the truth is, there’s doubtless a lot about you online as well. The difference: in my case, the stuff that goes up – or, at least, the stuff you’ll easily find – is under my control.

Let’s face it: a preemptory Googling precedes nearly any business or personal meet-up these days. And if the first page for your name is littered with drunken frat pictures and embarrassing high school musical credits – or, worse, no confirmation of your existence at all – you’re up the proverbial shit’s creek, without so much as a digital paddle.

What you need, then, is some way to put yourself forward in the best possible light, and a way to get that putting forward indexed atop the search result heap.

What you need, in short, is the newly crafted bigsight. A “directory of people doing good work”, bigsight creates user profiles that index remarkably high (mine is number four for “joshua newman”, despite a slew of competing Joshua’s), yet leaves the content under users’ direct control.

And while you might not, in all fairness, be doing much good work at all, you’re luckily still basking in my second-hand goodness glow. So, while the site is still by invitation only, for the next week or two, using “self-aggrandizement” as a passcode will get you through the gate.

Head to bigsight, and start building ASAP, lest your shitty digital presence continue to weigh down upon your offline life.

For the past year or so, we’ve been using Vonage for our business phones, and we couldn’t be more pleased with how well it’s worked thus far. Aside from cheap, reliable service, Vonage has provided a slew of bells and whistles we’ve much appreciated – first and foremost, emailing us voice mail messages as .WAV files.

And while that’s worked quite well, sadly, my trusty Blackberry Pearl is unable to open those audio files. So I was quite excited when, a few weeks back, Vonage added a new voice mail feature: emails now include not just the .WAV, but also a transcription of the message in the body of the email.

Ninety percent of the time, the transcription is spot on. But as the service is clearly the result of offshore outsourcing, every so often, messages come back in a language halfway between English and the writer’s native tongue.

Observe this email from yesterday, to my colleague Chris, and from Jeremiah at PostWorks, the post-production facility we’re using to finish the trailer for Naming Number Two. The actual message basically says that the tape is 24p, and they want to make sure that works for the editor. The transcription reads.

Hey Chris this is my gosh we’re supposed to work calling you regarding this this down converse That’s questions natural that sort tape this is true 24 P. So in order to do it down whereas in we would have to run it at 2398 I’m wondering if this is going to work for you or but but what do you make of all this we were expecting a true 24 PE for the dog person. if you get a chance give me a call [phone number] again it’s my gas burner from post works and and so she emailed as well as if we catch either take it by

Very naaaice.

[Okay, so it’s going to be less like ‘Web Week’ and more like like ‘Web Two or Three Weeks’. Whatever. I have more sites to share, and I’m not stopping just because my lack of blogging time has made the series title increasingly inaccurate.]

If you live in New York City, you doubtless already use Menu Pages. The idea is simple: restaurant menus, online. The execution, however, is astounding: the site has a menu for every single New York restaurant I’ve tried, and that includes all of the high-end, not a chance they would hand out paper copies or publish their menus online themselves sort of places. I’m not sure how they do it, I’m not sure how they make money, and I don’t really care.

Of late, they’ve expanded to a handful of other cities, and it seems they’re hoping to target even more. And while, from what I hear from my far-flung contacts, the site hasn’t sunk in roots quite so deep in those additional locations, I suspect it’s only a matter of time.

Slightly newer, though equally on the rise, and targeting a more national audience (albeit a handful of cities at a time) from the get-go is SeamlessWeb, a web-based food delivery service. Like MenuPages, however, it’s not the idea but the execution that makes this site stand out. Unlike the countless others I’ve seen in the space in years past, this one actually, consistently works.

Their listing of restaurants is growing fast (and already surprisingly complete here in New York), their site is easy to use, and their process (which, for example, generates an email only after the restaurant has confirmed the order themselves) is well designed to ensure reliability.

Best of all, the site solves the two biggest pains of delivery: they accept credit cards (rather than just wads of cash) at all of the restaurants, and they understand exactly what you want to order (even with customization of individual items) without your yelling into the phone to make yourself heard over restaurant din.

Toss in OpenTable for web-based reservations (especially at tough-to-book restaurants, as Maitre d’s often lie about booking to make hot spots seem even hotter), and you’ve got the restaurant site trifecta. Foodies of the web, place your bets.

MySpace is so 2005. And Friendster? Does anyone even remember when that was cool?

Ah, yes, social networking sites. How quickly they catch on, and how equally quickly they fade away. Inherent to them is what I think of as the Pokemon Problem: at first, people set out to ‘collect’ all of their friends. They use the site frequently, connect and counter-connect. And then, after a little while, the ‘collecting’ slows down. They’re connected to all of their real-world friends, and probably to a slew of random people they could care less about as well. At which point, they have far less reason to come to the site. Sure, they could message friends through it; but they already have their real friends’ email addresses, so why bother? And photo sharing? Doesn’t Flickr already do that far, far better?

So the site begins to atrophy. User pages become unchecked hulls, perhaps logged into every few weeks just to see if anything interesting has happened. Ad revenue falls, user sign-ups dry out, and visions of billion dollar acquisitions no longer dance like sugar plums in the founders’ heads.

But, of course, there’s a point at the peak where a savvy exec team could handily cash out of such a site. For which reason, new social networking sites still pop up all the time.

At the moment, the gorilla ‘new kid’ is Facebook, already hugely popular with the college crowd. But, like any of its forebears, once chasing a market that doesn’t have time to log in eight or nine times a day just to profile-stalk the hot girl in chem class – and Facebook, indeed, is now trying hard to expand to the ‘grown up’ world – the site will run into the same problems of short shelf life.

Even in the case of Facebook, their best efforts of pushing into that ‘grown up’ market will likely be feeble indeed. Sure, my peers and I will perhaps join up. But my parents? My grandmother? The vast majority of the online market? Not a chance.

So, if the model of a social networking site is to grow fast and sell at the peak, and if the market of young whipper-snappers is already tapped, couldn’t a site make a huge amount of money by being the first to successfully target the 34-65+ demographic? I suspect one could. The question, then, is what kind of social networking site my mother and my grandmother might join.

Behold: Geni.com, a social networking site disguised as a snappy, AJAXy, web-based family tree application. You can start filling out what you know about your relatives yourself, then (and here comes the clever viral part!) enter the email addresses for any of those family members to invite them to help continue fleshing out the tree.

As the success of the Mormon Church’s Family History Centers as proselytizing tool suggests, people of all ages are fascinated by their past, and eager to map out their biological place in the world. Plus, Geni’s investors and exec team are extremely seasoned, savvy, and press connected, so a slew of coverage – the first step in getting this otherwise virally self-spreading effort rolling – is likely just around the corner.

Get on and sign up fast. You don’t want to be the slow cousin at this upcoming digital family reunion.

Despite the Luddite claims of my last post, I am, incontrovertibly, a bleeding-edge technologist. I download software in beta, buy gadgets unlikely to ever cross over to mainstream adoption, and generally waste all kinds of time and energy thinking about and playing with things only total nerds would think are cool.

The upside of that is, tech-wise, I’m usually ahead of the curve. In fact, before I started blogging, for about a year I wrote a newsletter trying to highlight new technology on the rise. And, overall, I did pretty well, pointing out, for example, a new-fangled search engine called “Google” I figured might even give the reigning champ Yahoo a run for its money.

So, hoping to re-channel some of those futurist smarts, this week I’ll similarly be showcasing a few new sites I think are, similarly, bound for big things. As many of you readers are rather tech-savvy yourselves, I imagine some of those will be ones you’ve already seen. But, perhaps, others will be new to you. So, tune in and check out the new New New Thing, just so you, too, can experience the joy of gloating that you knew such-and-such.com way, way back when.

Want in on gmail?
Write a haiku and convince
me you deserve it.

Sure, there are thousands of inane social networks popping up on the web, riding the tail of the Friendster craze. And, frankly, most of them are a complete and total waste of time. After the initial Pokemon-like thrill of collecting all your friends, you quickly realize you have no reason to actually use the network. Because, honestly, your friend’s friend’s friend and you likely have absolutely nothing in common. And you don’t really need another way to email your actual friends – almost by definition, you already have their contact information.

Even so, I’m exceedingly impressed by the new dodgeball.social, as it adds a real-world component to social networking. Here’s how it work: say I’m at a bar downtown grabbing drinks. I send a quick text message to the Dodgeball server saying ‘I’m at Luna Lounge’. Then, if any of the friends in my network are within a ten block radius, they get a quick text message saying ‘Joshua is at Luna Lounge’ and can pop on by. At least in my life, where I’m increasingly forced to schedule time to see friends weeks in advance, anything that promotes serendipity in relationships seems like an excellent idea.

So if we’re friends in real life, or if you simply think we would be if we actually met, join up, add me to your network, and let serendipity run its course.

Today, a moment of respite from the standard self-aggrandizing to aggrandize on behalf of two very good pieces of software I stumbled across in the past few months, both of which have since made my time online vastly more enjoyable:

The first, Mozilla’s FireFox web browser (previously code-named Firebird). If the constant security flaws of IE (or your latent desire to stick it to Microsoft) aren’t enough to tempt you over to the non-profit browser initiative formed in the wake of Netscape, features like tabbed browsing certainly should be. Come to a link in the middle of a page you’re reading that you’d like to check out once you’re done with the current page? Control click the link, and the new page loads behind the active one on a separate tab within the same window. If, like me, you frequently juggle multiple pages, it will make your life incalculably easier. Throw in pop-up blocking, integrated search, and improved navigation, bookmarks and downloads, and you’ve got the recipe for a nearly perfect browser.

Plus, their new logo rocks the proverbial Kasbah:

The second, then, is Knowspam.net. In the past month, 12,229 pieces of spam were sent to me. Literally none of them made it through to my inbox. I’ve finally started to again think of email as a useful tool. The process is simple. People you know can send email through directly; people you don’t, when they mail for the first time, have to click through to a web page to demonstrate they’re real humans rather than spamming robots. As the software allows you to upload your email address book, and pulls email addresses from outgoing messages, you’ll only harass people emailing you completely out of the blue, and then only once. Slightly obnoxious, but in my mind a reasonably price to pay for keeping 100% of the spam from you inbox.

They don’t have a cool logo. But you should sign up anyway.

1. In the last thirty days, I’ve received 8,221 pieces of email.

2. Of those, 3,217, or nearly 40%, have been spam.

3. Thanks to Cloudmark’s Spamnet, I haven’t seen more than 100 of the spam emails.

4. Assuming I could have tossed spam manually at a relatively zippy two seconds a piece, Cloudmark saved me an hour and forty-five minutes.

5. That found time, at a cost of just a couple bucks, was more than worth the money, becase when else was I going to read the remaining 165+ daily pieces of legitimate email?

[6. That’s right, more than 165 daily pieces of non-spam email. Would-be entrepreneurs hoping to maintain your sanity: take note of that figure and run while you still can.]